Sharks and Oligarchs

Now I wish you all please / A sound night of (Jay) zzzz (photo: dpa)
Now I wish you all please / A sound night of (Jay) zzzz (photo: dpa)

They call the players flippers
For selling quicker and quicker

It’s the art market in twenty fourteen
A game in which everyone’s keen

From the -stans to Iran and beyond
There’s no better returns to be found 
With so much cash swooshing around

Will it correct it’s anyone’s bet
But certainly not just yet

The regulation stands nearly at nil 
If it’s too much there’s always a pill 

But with the Chinese taking
Plenty of Bacon

And Picassos, Ferrari and Gold
All of them are worthy to hold

Some artists are asses but 
When also asset classes
You learn to give them free passes

There’s Hirst and Koons and Ai Weiwei
With factories churning out art every day

But $427,100,000 last year
Is what they paid for Warhol, my dear

Biennials, auctions and fairs 
Sharks and oligarchs travel with airs. 

Go go Gagosian leader of the space race
Dealer with the fast pace
Man with a stony face

Hoarding nuts like an acquisitive squirrel
With no need for a house like an earl 

For there are private museums
The new collector mausoleums 
That everyone must have and how

With name dropping running amok
You encounter many a schmuck

It's a chichi game of glam and fame 

Franco, Gaga, Kanye and Hova
When they jump onboard it’s probably over

So stick to your day jobs and avoid the fashion
Which got in the way and blocked out the passion

Now I wish you all please 
A sound night of (Jay) zzzz

Jay-Z Baby

Jay-Z (with Sean «P.Diddy» Combs), photo: dpa
Jay-Z (with Sean «P.Diddy» Combs), photo: dpa

Pace is the place for art’s  
celebrity arms race

Turning up today is Jay-Z and band
with plenty of fawning art stars in hand

like self absorbed kids
playing in sand

No matter your chops
nothing will stop

the gallery from showing you
the art world blowing you

There is Franco the blank-o
entrenched in the stable
Isn’t it sad he’s not really able

But who cares he’s cute and well known
So in the gallery there’s always a home

Here’s a nod to worshipping false gods
Adultery, idolatry let’s go on a shopping spree

Whose next I can only guess
Kanye, Kim, Mary-Kate and Ashley

We are the collective fantastic sycophantic
Transatlantic, pedantic full of shit and antic

Here is a warning that is needed to be heeded
Let us not forget, who remembers Famous Amos

You can’t have your cake and your cookies too
Can’t we rate artists that are good at what they do


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"Die Kunstwelt ist wie eine Mafia, es gibt ein ungeschriebenes Gesetz des Stillschweigens", sagt Kenny Schachter. Auf seinem Monopol-Blog bringt der britische Kunsthändler Licht ins Dunkle und macht die Mechanismen des Marktes transparent. In englischer Sprache