Family Affair

Lady Gaga with artists Jeff Koonsand Marina Abramovic at "artRave" in New York (photo: dpa)
Lady Gaga with artists Jeff Koonsand Marina Abramovic at "artRave" in New York (photo: dpa)

Art with your kids can be fun and funny
Do it right you can make some money
Cause everyone wants to be artists today
So stage a project and fluff up their resume
Kanye, Gaga, and now Miley Cyrus!
Wanting to be an artist is like catching a virus
They are all at it now and making a mint
So I gave my kids a hint
And put them to work
I’m sick they’re always skint
Spin wild tales of unbridled riches and fame
Glam it up so they’ll want to play the game
You still have to push they are all so damn lazy
Tell them to look at Koons’ prices gone crazy
Competition in youth is drugs and booze
Peer pressure to party and schmooze
They’re out all night all day they snooze
And those stupid devices they always lose
Nam Jun Paik said he became an artist to sleep late
So a professional career in art is not the worst fate
With art you can develop their curiosity
They don’t need much studying art history
Take a break from school, clubs and computers
Let them live life forget about tutors
Art is a colorful language made-up of pictures
God knows they hate reading so throw it in the mixture
A lesson in economics will also be learned
If they sell a few paintings a few quid will be earned
Spending time today is essential for relations
Everything else is just social masturbation
Use the experience to explore and communicate
Go ahead and get started it’s never too late
And think of the love and satisfaction
That will flow from a show
And may even gain traction
The only thing worse than the grief they can cause
Is when they fly the coop and slam all the doors
Get their friends and others make it a group show
That's an enterprising approachable way to go
Friends and Family, that exhibit was ours
With kids from all over and plenty of art stars
But here is a weary word of advice
Before you jump in if I’ve managed to entice
Don’t knock down a Tracey Emin and break it
Though that's a surefire way to make it
Into the tabloids and onto the BBC
For the world and everyone else to see
It happened to us so take it from me

Art Star Stars


Oh ah. Conflating high and low culture, must be a radical new contribution from the burgeoning field of star art stars (or art star stars?). Reassuring to know the playing field of practicing artists has now been amply expanded by integrating the music, film and fashion industries. Call it Gagart (as in wretch), and call Marina Abramovic. Wait, she’s booked her collaboration already, what a shock. Jerry, call your agent!

“Whether or not Gaga is a bona fide artist or a supreme marketer, the bottom line is that her formula is working. Her star is a sparkling vehicle of self-promotion, in terms of products and ideals. What that means for any or all of creative industry – music, fashion, art – only time will tell. But in Gaga’s world, there’s dazzle in the disconnect between the rarefied and the popular. “

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"Die Kunstwelt ist wie eine Mafia, es gibt ein ungeschriebenes Gesetz des Stillschweigens", sagt Kenny Schachter. Auf seinem Monopol-Blog bringt der britische Kunsthändler Licht ins Dunkle und macht die Mechanismen des Marktes transparent. In englischer Sprache